Kingdom of God Read online

  “Please keep your voice down.”

  “Where’s the nearest fucking hospital?”

  “When the heat dies down, we can-”

  “Fuck. Fuck me. Goddamnit.” The sergeant circled the room. The other guardsmen stared at him. “Peters, you should have shot first. You should have shot first. They had guns. I heard ‘em.”

  “They didn’t have guns,” Sool muttered.

  “The fuck you know. I heard it. Where the fuck were you?”

  “They don’t have guns.”

  “Who the fuck are ‘they’?”

  “Heriberto's crew.”

  “Oh good. That would’ve been good to know. That would’ve been fucking good to know at a briefing in the morning. Why didn’t we get briefed?”

  “There was a leak,” Jen said. “And-”

  “Of course. Of course there was a leak. Fuck.”

  The sergeant spun around and slammed his boot heel against the wall. The entire building shook. Peters reached up and grabbed one of the joists. The rocking abated. A large crack appeared in the wall. Blaylock stormed over to Michael and Jen.

  “We sat there like fucking target practice. Did you plan to get us killed?” Jen bowed her head. “Fucking answer me.”

  “Ask her.” Sool nodded in Wendy’s direction. “I don’t know why she was late. She’s not my witness.”

  The sergeant stormed through the archway toward Wendy and Maribel. Michael held the incensed soldier away from them.

  “Spill it. Why the fuck were you late? Who the fuck were those guys? One of my guys is dying because of you.”

  The pain flared in Michael’s leg and lower back again. He stumbled as the sergeant pressed forward. Wendy stared back at Blaylock. Maribel buried her head into Wendy’s shoulder. The two sat alone on their side of the building.

  I don’t know Heriberto. I met him once. I know he runs the grocery store. The last time everyone went to Vaca, I was in the van. I didn’t go inside. I was watching the vans. When they came out it was like everything changed. That same night we had this meeting with everyone. Everyone who has ever helped at Reino was there. Ray, Theo, Maria Rosa, everybody. And Pastor David just flat out told us we couldn’t live there anymore. Reino was over. We had no more volunteers. We were out of money. We had to move out and start fresh. And it had to be by 6 o’clock on Sunday.

  It went from like zero to a hundred just like that. Now we’re all arguing about what to do next. Suddenly everyone’s shouting at each other. Maria Rosa is yelling: ‘We got to get across the border. We got to get across the border.’ Pastor David just looked like catatonic. It was crazy. I don’t know what we accomplished that night. We didn’t settle anything.

  I had to clear my head. I went to the Internet café. I checked Facebook. Every picture was the same. It was like concerts and weddings and trips to Disney and stuff like that. But for some reason I was thinking maybe she’s right. Maybe we should be in the U.S. Maybe this is God calling me back and I should bring the kids. This was the chance to move on. I could never say that. Everyone thinks everyone in Mexico wants to just jump across the border and get a job in the U.S. But that’s not true. It’s not like that down here. It was in the back of my mind though. Maybe the kids could get amnesty and Maria Rosa could get a visa or something.

  I don’t know why but I called home this time. I called home maybe once or twice a year. No one ever answered. My dad was never there. And if it went to his voicemail I would just hang up.

  This time it was my grandma that answered. I didn’t even know she was still living there. She sounded so happy. She kept asking ‘When are you coming home?’ and she told me she was looking at a photo of me on my dad’s desk. She wanted to see the beautiful girl I had grown up to be. It. It got me. I don’t know how she did it. My family has a knack for guilting me with stuff. She asked me ‘What’s wrong?’ And I couldn’t keep it to myself. I couldn’t just put up this front that everything was okay. So I told her about Reino. I didn’t give her too many specifics. I didn’t want to make her worry. I just told her that we had to move and that we didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know what God wanted.

  She told me to breathe. Every day is a good day on God’s Earth. She said that all the time. She said my heart was too big to give up. It has to keep growing. It had to keep growing so that it could reach everybody. No one ever said anything like that down here. That’s the kind of thing you only hear from your family. That’s when I realized I was the only family these kids had. I was going to tell them the same thing. I would fight for them and I would die for them. I wouldn’t give up no matter what.

  That’s what I thought walking home. I was still fifty-fifty on the whole thing. Leaving Mexico or just moving somewhere else. I didn’t think about my grandma being a sponsor at that point. I wish I had.

  I heard the roach coach coming up behind me. It was late. Like pitch black. And it’s blaring its horn over and over again. There’s a guy hanging out the window and screaming. It freaked me out.

  Then I saw the guy behind it. He was tied by his hands and feet to the rear bumper. I don’t even know if he was alive. I just. I. I ran into this alley. I was so scared that they saw me. I thought they were headed for Reino. It was the Vaca truck. No doubt about it. And I knew it had to do something with the meeting. It had to. I just stayed in the alley and prayed. ‘God please don’t let them hurt the children. Please don’t let them get to Reino.’ I must’ve been there for an hour.

  I finally got up when it quieted down. The lights were still on but there no one was in the booth. I used the back door. I just hoped and prayed that I wouldn’t stumble on some dead bodies or anything.

  The kids were all asleep. I was like ‘Thank You God. Thank You so much.’ I was on the verge of tears. Pastor David was with Ray and Theo in his office and they were just chatting like nothing happened. I couldn’t believe it. I can barely breathe over here and they’re just standing there talking. I mean Ray asked if I was okay. He could tell something was wrong. They said they heard the horn outside but they ignored it. It was too late to pick up food anyway. I asked about the guy screaming. They said they didn’t hear it. That’s when I was wondering if it even happened. Like I just had a nightmare. I didn’t say anything else. If they ignored it then so would I. But that’s Heriberto. That’s what I know about him.

  We were split. You could tell. Ray, Theo and Pastor David were all looking for somewhere to move the kids. They thought near the ocean or somewhere further south. It’s supposed to be safer there. I don’t know. Pastor David always said Reino was a city on the hill. I didn’t know how we could do that from the beach or someplace safe.

  M.J., El and Maria were doing their own thing. I knew they wanted to jump the border. I didn’t want any part of that either. I had heard too many horror stories of people left in trucks and suffocating. Or people getting shot in the desert. It was like the greater of two evils. So I went with Pastor David. I was gonna help them find somewhere else to live in T.J.

  I ended up hanging out with the kids most of the time. That’s all I did last Saturday. Ray said he would take care of finding somewhere to move. It was just me and the kids. The security guys weren’t there. M.J. and El weren’t there. We packed up and got ready to move. It only took us like half-an-hour. There wasn’t a whole lot to pack. Then Ray and Pastor David came back with like a truck-load of wood and tools. I’m like ‘What is all this?’ Ray said they found a place in La Presa. And I was like ‘Okay where the heck is La Presa?’ And what was all the wood for? Apparently they found somewhere near the river but we had to build it. It was just a shack at that point. And now it’s like two as you can see.

  I thought the area was great though. It was quiet. It looked safe. There was a grocery store and showers and a café like right across the street. It seemed perfect. But it wasn’t a city on a hill. Pastor David always said that the more your life resembles heaven now the less your life will in the future. That’s what I thought of the pla
ce. There was already a church right there. We were moving to an area that didn’t need Christ. Not like Libertad did.

  And building it was a nightmare. We started putting the walls together on the ground but they were like all spread out. We had to lay them across the whole driveway. Cars would come by honking. We had to finish one wall then carry it like twenty feet over. One of the frames broke. Pastor David has to go back to the store and get more wood. He cut out the door with this big saw. It was dark before we even got two walls up. And we could barely lift it. But we pulled it off somehow. Now we just have get beds and a kitchen and a toilet and all this other stuff. It’s like we’re not even halfway done.

  All of this was running through my mind on the way back to Reino. This was such a bad idea. It just kept hitting the front of my mind until I finally blurted it out. I said the thing probably wasn’t going to be standing by the time we got back. I should have kept my mouth shut because Ray got mad. He told me to shut up. We were doing it for the kids. And if we didn’t do it now Heriberto was going to sell them into slavery. They were going to be prostitutes or drug pushers for the rest of their lives.

  I couldn’t stand that. I wasn’t going to be guilted into keeping my mouth shut. So I kept talking. I was like how do you know? And he said that’s what the meeting with Heriberto was about. That’s why everyone went to Vaca. Well I was watching the vans. I wasn’t there. How I was supposed to know? He wasn’t there when I saw a guy getting dragged to death behind a roach coach. He didn’t know what would happen if we crossed Heriberto. Pastor David said we should all just keep quiet. That was such a long ride home.

  I wish I hadn’t said anything. Pastor David locked himself in his office when we got back. Maria Rosa had to put the kids to bed. I didn’t want to talk to her. I knew what she was up to. Even though I wasn’t sure about the place in La Presa, her idea was so much worse. I don’t know where she got the idea that I have this sunny vibe. I certainly didn’t have it that night.

  As if things couldn’t get worse, M.J. came back knocking at the door. I hadn’t seen him all day. I opened the door for him but he didn’t come inside. He said he needed the van. He looked all sweaty and tired. His eyes were like popping out of his head. He wanted me to get the keys for the van.

  I was like ‘Wait a minute. Why?’ And he was just rambling. He said they had El. And I’m like ‘Who? Who has El? Heriberto?’ He said he couldn’t tell me. I thought it was Heriberto. But he could’ve just wandered off. He would do that all the time. I asked if he checked out the gas station. We always agreed to meet at the gas station if we ever got separated. He didn’t say. He was in tears. Like bawling. I’ve never seen him cry before. He was always such a nice and cheerful guy. He was always helping out. Now he’s bent over just choking out these tears.

  I couldn’t leave him out in the cold like that. I had to help him out. Pastor David’s office was locked but I had a key. He was asleep when I went in there. I gave the keys to the van to M.J. and he ran off. That was the last time I saw him. He didn’t even say goodbye or thank you. It made me think of the kids. The kids would always say thank you. Then it kind of hit me. We were just kids. And now I’m looking after eight orphans. And building a house. And my friends are missing. I couldn’t handle it. I never felt so helpless.

  I had to talk to an adult. I needed to talk to Grandma. Thank God the café’s open 24/7. So I ran down the hill. It was so late that nobody was out. That’s when I finally thought of getting her to sponsor the kids. They could get across the border safely that way. That’s all I really wanted to ask. I didn’t care how late it was. I had to ask.

  My dad picked up. It must’ve been a year since I talked to him. It was so awkward. I asked him if I could talk to Grandma and he said she was asleep. He asked what I was doing up. I didn’t say anything. He pushed back. He always did. ‘Why are you up so late? What do you need to talk to Grandma now for?’ Then he asked if I talked to her the day before. I couldn’t lie so I said yes. God it’s so hard talking to him.

  He kept pushing. ‘What do you want to talk about?’ I told him it was about the orphanage. That I needed help. He asked if I needed money and I said no. ‘How could she help then?’ That was his question. Like it was impossible for Grandma to help me out or something. That’s when I told him I wanted to get the kids across the border. It would be safer if Grandma sponsored them. But I couldn’t even get that out before he said no. ‘That’s a crime,’ he said. I said she could sponsor them but he said no. The law’s the law. He wouldn’t hear a word of it. I’m alone and yelling in this café and he kept fighting back. ‘Where are the forms? Where are the papers? What about a lawyer? What about their guardians?’ I said fine. I said I’ll handle it myself. I hung up. I knew I was alone. I just prayed that God would make it better.

  I don’t remember a thing about church on Sunday. I think I slept through it. I remember Ray kind of waking me up and saying we had to go. I thought he meant that we had to move. So I started to round up the kids but he was like no. We have to get to the consulate. He said he had arranged a meeting so that they could help us out with a visa or something like that to get across the border safely. He said he knew somebody. That was it. He told me to put on something nice but all I had was my hoodie. It felt weird leaving just Theo and Maria there. They couldn’t really talk to one another. Theo couldn’t speak a word of Spanish. But I mean we had to do it. It was a like a last resort. Maybe this was God answering my prayers.

  I almost didn’t get into the consulate because I didn’t have my passport. I don’t know what happened to it. I lost it. Or I threw it away. It’s not like I needed it anyway. I wasn’t ready to go back to Orange County anytime soon. Not until this week anyway. They let me in with just my driver’s license.

  We must’ve waited for like an hour before the agent showed up. I don’t remember her name but she was real nice. We talked in the lobby. Well Ray talked. He had this whole big speech prepared. He said we were running this orphanage for years. There were eight kids and we graduated twelve of them to foster families. One of them was a high schooler now and wanted to be a teacher. That was Armando. Then he told her about Libertad and how dangerous it was. We needed access across the border on this emergency amnesty thing. She stopped him there. She started talking about emergency funds. Like how the consulate provides money. But she said they aren’t an embassy. They can do emergency passports for U.S. citizens but if we wanted to make them for the kids we needed photos and forms and money and things. Ray started talking over her. He didn’t get it. There was no amnesty program.

  She said she was really sorry and explained all the stuff we needed for green cards. Ray got really mad. He said we only had a few hours until they would be sold into sex slavery. All she said was that she was really sorry. We didn’t have anything else to talk about. I was kind of tired of talking anyway.

  We were starving so we got some food. It was still light out. We had until 6:00 to move out. We had tostadas. We didn’t talk. We were kind of on our last nerves at that point. When Ray finished he just got up and said we were going to Vaca. We were going to meet with Heriberto. He said we were going to tell him no. Just flat out no. We weren’t giving him the kids.

  I couldn’t believe him. It’s like he did whatever he wanted. It wasn’t like arrogant or anything. Maybe it was arrogance. I don’t know. It was between gutsy and I don’t know. He had nerve. That’s what I’ll call it.

  He barged into the place asking for Heriberto. I tried to look calm but I don’t think I did a good job. I was just a total mess inside. This guy led us to the back and Heriberto was sitting right there at a table in the middle of the room. There were like twenty other guys around him. He stood up and started speaking in English to us. Like asking us who we were. Where we were from. He seemed really friendly. Ray talked back to him in Spanish. Heriberto said we should talk in English but Ray said no. He wanted everyone in the room to hear. He said we weren’t giving him the kids. There was no way he w
ould get the kids. He said we’d be moving out of Libertad but that he shouldn’t try to find us because there was no way we were going to give them the kids no matter what. All of this was in Spanish. And it was quiet for like a full minute. In my head I was praying ‘Lord, get us out of this.’

  Then Heriberto said okay. He said it was fine. He gave us a thumbs up and said we could go. I turned around and walked out immediately. I didn’t look back. My heart was pounding. I didn’t even know if Ray was still behind me but I didn’t look back. I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could.

  I. I go through these things in my head. Like how things could have turned out differently. Like if I talked Ray out of going to Vaca. Or if we didn’t park the van across Highway 1. Or if I wasn’t a few feet ahead of him. Maybe he’d still be alive. Maybe I’d be dead too. God. I don’t know what I could’ve done.

  But that’s when they got him. A truck just came careening around the corner and hit him head on. I turned around and saw his body just lying there in the street. I don’t know if he was even alive then. Some guys came out of the truck screaming ‘puta, puta.’ They took him by the legs and dragged him into the cab. Everyone else just stopped and stared. I just stood there frozen. I don’t know if they even noticed me.

  I mean what could I do? What was I supposed to do? I’m still not even sure if it happened. I can see it. I can see them dragging him into their truck. Alive. Dead. I don’t know. Just. My mind is gone. I don’t know.

  The next thing I remember is driving the van up to Reino. If they came for Ray they’d come for the kids. I wasn’t really feeling anything. I just got to Reino. Slammed on the door. Just yelling for someone to let me in. It was just Theo there. Just Theo and the kids. And I’m shouting ‘Get in the van and get out of here. Just go. Run for the border. Go south. Go anywhere. Just get out of there.’ I yelled at the kids ‘Vamos.’ Forgot your things. Just get in the van and go.