Kingdom of God Read online

  “Well I’ll show you around. I gotta remind people that this ain’t U.S. soil. Lotta people think it is, but it isn’t. Don’t do anything here that you wouldn’t do out there. That means no drugs, no drinking the tap water and no taking the Lord’s name in vain.”

  “Understood.”

  “I’m just kidding about the Lord’s name. They won’t throw a riot or anything. You just gotta be respectful, you know?”

  She led them up a small marble staircase and down a high-ceilinged corridor. She pointed out the restrooms along the way. Jen and Sool veered off into separate rooms before Tonya directed Michael to his accommodation.

  The detective entered a small office with a single window on the far wall. A narrow cot was stuffed between the wall and a cedar desk in the corner. Michael took a step inside and flicked on the light switch, but the light did not come on. He walked over to the corner and turned on the desk lamp. He placed his duffle bag on the bed and took a seat in the wooden swivel chair. He removed his phone from his pocket and reopened his email. At 10:54 p.m., he received a message with the full transcript of the woman’s statement.

  I confess, I caused this. I deserve to be punished, I deserve to be dead. I have been selfish, I realize that I have been selfish and I only wanted to help myself, to get myself out of Libertad. I only thought of myself and now they are gone. The children are all gone and it is all my fault.

  I do not know where the two brothers are, I do not want to know. I do not want to see them ever again. They are not good people. They have been just as selfish as me and I hope that they are suffering as much as I am. We were supposed to help the children but we only thought of ourselves and now they are gone because of us. We are all to blame. It is our fault.

  They were walking up the street, that was the first time I met them. I was selling jewelry outside Reino de Dios, the orphanage nearby. The children would return from school in the afternoon and maybe buy something if they had money.

  I got very scared when I saw them, I was alone and was worried that anyone could attack me and steal my things. If I ever saw men or stray dogs in the street, I would pack up my jewelry and lock myself in my van, they were not to be trusted.

  I do not remember the exact day, they were two figures in black walking up the hill. I could see that they were two men, I did not want to talk to them. You did not talk to strange men in the borough, that was a big rule at Reino de Dios, they could be drug dealers or kidnappers or criminals.

  I shoved everything back into the box as fast as I could, they were getting closer and closer and there was no way I could put it all back in time. I thought of leaving some of it behind but it was too much, I could not lose that much jewelry, it was my only way to make money. I decided to just keep packing and ignore them, I kept my head down and prayed that they would not notice me.

  They were not big men, I saw the one on the left was the taller one, he had curly brown hair and was wearing a black jacket and blue jeans that were way too big for him, the sleeves were hanging over his hands, he looked like a little boy. His mouth was hanging open and his head was down. I thought he was retarded, he just looked blank, there were big bags under his eyes.

  The other one was shorter, he had blonde hair and his jacket and shoes were too small for him, I don’t know where they got those clothes or why they did not fit. I could see dirt all over them, it looked like it had been days since they had slept or showered.

  They were white. I couldn’t believe it, two white people wandering around the street. The only white people I ever saw were helping at Reino de Dios but they did not come walking up the hill.

  I was scared, I tried my best not to look at them and just keep packing up my jewelry, my heart was pounding so much. The one on the right had his hand in his pocket, he could have been holding a knife or a gun.

  I said a small prayer, I asked for God’s protection, I asked that they would pass. I could hear their footsteps stop, they were right behind me.

  One of them said ‘hola’ and ‘¿cómo estás?’ I kept my head down, I was hurrying even more. I did not want anything to do with them and I was afraid that it would make them mad so I kept packing. It was a hot day, I was very tired.

  I thought that since he was white he would not know any more Spanish but then he said ‘¿Podría usted nos ayude por favor?’ He said ‘usted,’ he said it so clearly, I did not expect to understand him. I had seen so many white boys and girls come and leave Reino de Dios and they could not speak Spanish. I do not speak English so I would not say anything back. I hoped we could not talk and they would go away.

  I turned around and he said ‘por favor’ again. His voice cracked, I could see he and the other boy were very much in trouble.

  The shorter one smiled at me, his eyes were big and blue, he was like a puppy. Calm and happy like a door-to-door salesman. He looked so dirty, I did not know why.

  He said he would just like a place for him and his brother to sleep that night. I could not believe they were brothers, they did not look anything like each another. One was so much shorter, at least by the couple of centimeters and they had different hair color and eye color. I couldn’t understand why they were here, no white people would ever come here, they would have no reason to be here other than to help at Reino de Dios.

  That is where I would take them, to Reino de Dios so that maybe they could just have somewhere to sleep. It was a shelter and a church many years ago but it had closed. It was bought by Americans and became an orphanage for very small children. There was still a church there, I would go every Sunday.

  They were not children though, they were too old to stay there. I did not know where else they could go so I told them to go there.

  The shorter one offered to help pack up the rest of my things, I told them not to, I did not want them stealing it. He asked me what my name was, it’s Maria Rosa but I did not tell them that, I was so scared they would attack me.

  Reino de Dios was around the corner, I wanted to make sure that I could get help if they attacked me. I had no one else I could go to for help.

  They followed me to the front door. There was no one the security booth, that made me very nervous, it was usually either Mateo or Jose. I did not want to be alone with strangers.

  I rang the bell, it was Theo who peeked through the door. He had big thick glasses on, his skin was darker than the other Americans. He was not who I wanted to see. He could not speak Spanish so we could not talk, I just called for Pastor David, he was the one in charge.

  I called for Pastor David again, Theo just stood there. We waited outside, it felt like a very long time. I did not want to be alone with these strangers, they stood a few meters away and did not say a word.

  Ray finally opened the door. I was so happy to see Ray, he let us in, all three of us.

  He asked me who the two boys were and I said that I did not know, they told me they needed a place to stay and I thought Reino de Dios would be best for them.

  The brothers did not talk. Ray started speaking to them in English and the shorter one was talking back to him. He was smiling and nice, his hand was still in his left pocket. He could have pulled out a weapon at any time, I stood at least a meter away from him.

  The taller one, he just stood there. He was looking around the hallway and the front door, I saw a scar in the back of his head. He looked very retarded.

  Pastor David came in with Theo. He did not look happy. He started yelling Ray in English, then he turned to me. He was angry, he asked me why I brought strangers here. I told him that they needed a place to stay and I thought that this was the best place for them in Libertad.

  He told me they could be dangerous, that the children would return from school soon and they could be hurt or taken away if we let strangers into the orphanage. I was ashamed, I was afraid he would not want me anywhere near the orphanage anymore. I brought two men to the orphanage, they could have been very dangerous people and they could have hurt everyone.

  T
he shorter one spoke again, he was talking with Pastor David in English. He had that same look on his face with his big blue eyes. Pastor David finally gestured at him to come toward the kitchen, the taller one went too.

  Ray said that I could stay if I would like or I could set up the jewelry stand outside. I felt sick, I had upset Pastor David. I told him that I would like to stay here if that was okay and I wanted to apologize for making Pastor David angry and for putting the children in danger.

  Ray said that it was okay, he told me that my help was very important. I no longer felt ashamed, Ray was always so nice to everyone at Reino de Dios.

  I got scared again when the children returned from school, the two men were still there and the children were running around in common area. They could have attacked at any time.

  It was arts and crafts time. The children would draw in their coloring books. Pastor David told me to help Wendy put out the papers and pencils, I still felt very sick when he said that. He was still angry.

  Wendy was the other American at Reino de Dios. A lot of Americans would come for a week but she had been there for many months, maybe a year. Ray and Theo would leave and come back. Wendy did not, she lived there all the time.

  I whispered to her, I asked if she knew what would happen to the two strangers and she said that she did not know. She appeared happy. It looked like she and Ray felt safe with the two men in the orphanage, I was still very scared.

  I looked in the kitchen, I saw them, the two brothers were with Ray and Theo, their faces where clean and their jackets were off, they had clean clothes. It looked like they were teaching them how to help in the kitchen and prepare dinner. They were helping immediately, I was surprised, they could have been American volunteers even though they did not arrive in a car or with a group.

  Ray handed a large metal bowl to the shorter brother and I could see why he had his hand in his left pocket. He did not have a left hand, there was a stump where his hand would be.

  He still grabbed the bowl with his right hand and cradled it with his left arm. I felt so much better knowing that he did not have a weapon. I did not know how he would help with one hand or how his brother would help if he was retarded.

  I remember arts and crafts time. Miguel tore my shirt, he pulled on my shirt when asked me if he could have another book because he had filled his up already. He would always fill up every page as fast as he could, he said it was like a plate of food and that the paper should not be wasted. I was not mad at him for tearing my shirt.

  Cecilia asked me if I would make jewelry with her, I said that it was time for drawing and not for making jewelry. I can’t remember ever making jewelry with her ever again.

  Now I never will make jewelry with her again. I will never see Miguel, Cecilia, Arturo, Javier, Arianna, Dinora, Maribel or Marco because of how selfish I was. They are gone and it is all my fault.

  I did this for myself and my child. Part of me says that I did this for the orphans of Reino de Dios but that is a lie. What happened to me with my child caused me to act so selfishly. It was a test of my faith and I failed the test.

  I could see the brothers were faithful, they started helping in the kitchen. They would unload food and clean water out of the truck from La Vaca.

  The truck was a godsend, it would bring food and clean water to everyone up the hill in Libertad. We would have to have to go down the hill if the truck did not come. There was no other market or stands anywhere. There was one for many years but it burned down and now the lot was empty for a very long time.

  I would help too, I did not get paid to do the work but I would do it. I would help carry food into Reino de Dios and buy food for myself when I had money.

  I never had money, I could not fix my van so I could not go down the hill or anywhere else to sell my jewelry so I could not get any more money. The children in Reino de Dios would be the only ones to buy my jewelry but they never had money. They were orphans.

  The brothers did not help with the children, they just worked in the kitchen and cleaned. When Ray and Theo left in the autumn, I think it was around the autumn, they began to play with the children.

  I don’t remember exactly when I learned their names, we would call the shorter one M.J. I think they were his initials, I never learned for sure. We would just call the taller one El. I did not know what it meant, it was confusing just to call him El.

  They would sleep in a room all by themselves. It was a room full of bunk beds, it was supposed to be for boys and girls from America, but there were no other boys and girls from America for a long time, the room was empty except for them.

  M.J. could talk with the children a lot because he spoke Spanish. At church on Sunday M.J. would be on stage playing music and offering prayer. I looked at him in awe. It was very inspiring, a person with one hand who would do more than people with two.

  El stayed in his room and not say anything to anyone, he never spoke.

  I remember one day M.J. came to my van with El. They said they wanted to thank me for helping them when they came to Libertad, this was many months ago. They said they would help fix my van. I thanked them but I did not know how they would do it, the engine would not work and the tires were flat. My van was that way for a very long time.

  They brought my friend Julio, I had not seen or talked to Julio for many months but he still liked me. He and the brothers offered to fix my van for free, Julio would come up the hill once a week and with M.J. and El would fix the engine and inflate the tires with air and fill the tank with gasoline.

  It was cold that day. I remember we all had jackets on. They started the engine and gave me a new key for the van. I cried, I was so amazed, I could not believe how generous they were. I would go down the hill and I sell more jewelry. I could go wherever I wanted, I felt so free.

  The brothers would sometimes come down the hill with me. They would go off by themselves, I did not know where they would go. We would meet at my van so we could return to Reino de Dios before sunset and sometimes they were late but we always returned safely.

  I did not ask what they were doing when they went down the hill. One day Pastor David told me that they were looking for their father. That’s why they were in Libertad, to find their father. I did not ask any questions after that. I prayed that they would find him.

  The La Vaca truck did not come every day anymore, it would only come every other day. I would not hear the ‘La Cucaracha’ horn as much. I was glad, it was very loud and very annoying.

  There was less food at Reino de Dios, I could see it in the faces of the children. I asked Wendy how we could feed the children if the truck did not come up the hill every day and she said that it would be okay and we should put our worries in God’s hands.

  She was like a paleta, she was so bright and in such a happy mood all of the time, I felt okay asking her these questions. I did not want to ask Pastor David, he was angry even when the children were good.

  There was only one time when I saw Wendy upset. It was after M.J. and El arrived, I asked her why she was at Reino de Dios for such a long time, Ray and Theo and the other Americans would leave but not her. I asked her why, she frowned and said that she did not want to talk about it. I did not ask any questions after that.

  I was not like her, I did not put my faith in God’s hands. In the winter the truck would only come up the hill once week.

  Ray and Theo came back to the orphanage at Christmas. For the posada they brought a lot of food and presents with them, there was meat and fruit and cereal and backpacks and books and lots of other things. There were so many toys and things, it made me feel dizzy.

  We had a big dinner, I ate so much I felt sick. I was jealous that they had so much stuff in America, they could have whatever food they wanted. Ray and Theo could come back and forth from American whenever they wanted. Even Wendy was always so happy, it was not fair.

  When the truck did come to the orphanage I offered to help M.J. and El carry all of the food and water off of th
e truck. I would take food out of the boxes. I would take one bag of chips here and one can of fruit there. I did it in secret.

  I prayed Pastor David would not notice, he would count every food item and blame La Vaca if we were missing food. They were already coming up the hill less and less so he thought it was them and not me.

  I stole food for many weeks. The corner of my van was now filled with food and water, my stomach was poking out of my shirt from eating so much.

  I think that was how Pastor David found out. One time he called me into his office, it was just me and him, he asked about when I helped unload the truck if any of the boxes felt lighter. I said yes, yes they did feel light. He was not angry, he looked happy, he was talking slowly. He just rubbed me on the shoulder. He never touched me before. It made me nervous.

  He called me into his office over and over again. One time it was when the children were at school and M.J., El and Wendy were out running errands.

  He asked me to sit on his bed, he talked even slower. His breath was bad. He sat down on the bed next to me and put his arm around me and said that he knew that I was stealing food.

  I started to cry and begged for him to forgive me, I promised I would never do it again. He said that it was okay and that I was forgiven, I was welcome to any food I wanted in the orphanage.

  When I stopped crying, he held me tighter. He said I should seek forgiveness, there was a picture of his wife and son. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to get up and run out the door but he held me so tight. He forced my blouse open and started to kiss my chest. I do not remember exactly when this happened, it was many months ago.

  I lay on the floor of my van for many weeks. I did not go anywhere. I could not go anywhere, my van was out of gas and the tires were flat again. It was so hot, I would pray to the Virgin Mary and confess my sins but it did not help.

  I did not help at the orphanage, I could not, the La Vaca truck stopped coming up the hill. My stomach was in knots every morning and all my food was almost gone and I was getting fatter, my pants and shirt did not fit anymore. I would not sell my jewelry, I did not want to go anywhere.